Hindu and Buddhist Tantra originated in India over 6,000 years ago, at a time when dominant religious doctrines emphasized celibacy and limited sexual activity as essential for true spiritual enlightenment. These dominating religious practices perpetuated the notion that denying oneself of fleshly pleasures helps individuals transcend worldly barriers. Tantra rose from the ashes of discontentment that accompanied the demonization of sexuality, creating an oppositional doctrine - or practice - that promoted meditative sexuality as a method of destroying the restrictive chains of secularity, and of making the divine accessible. So essentially, Tantric sex promotes a path toward enlightenment by improving and prolonging sexual encounters.
In the United States, many people are aware that something called Tantra exists and is supposed to improve sexual performance, but few people are familiar with Tantra on an intimate level. Americans, in general, are more interested in instant sexual gratification, and they often neglect sexual processes that lead to greater sexual fulfillment; so Tantric sex often seems too cheesy, too romantic, or too time consuming. There is also an element of fear that prevents women and men from experimenting with Tantric sex: When accustomed to quickies that are less personal, more about orgasm than person-to-person connection, Tantra is a significant shift in sexual activities; and this intense focus on oneself and a lover can be a vulnerable event that scares some people.
Avid Tantric practitioners recognize that there is more to Tantra than sex (a lot more, in fact) - that Tantra is a way of life, the adoption of certain beliefs and attitudes, and cultivation of lovers' spirits; however, the remainder of this article focuses on Tantric sex. Check out the latest literature - magazine articles, websites, videos, and books - for an in-depth discussion of Tantra. Since VibeReview's mission is to serve as a facilitator for more enjoyable sex on a physical and emotional level, this article is meant to be suggestive only - as an introduction to Tantric sex. If you and your partner allow this guide to help you connect on a physical, emotional, and spiritual level, both of you will notice an improvement in communication, intimacy, sexual performance, and physical pleasure.
Step One: Sexy Preparations and Ambiance
Before diving into Tantric sex, preparations are necessary. If the correct preparations are made, you will be in a better position to entirely devote yourself to the process, the moment, and your partner. Poorly planned Tantric sex is more of a hassle than a release, which is the opposite of what you want or need! Well-thought out preparations and a plan of action set the mood. And, as most people admit, mood is generally the first obstacle in emotionally connective sex. Your preparations should be conducted with a simple objective - to create a calm, relaxing, and intimate mood, an ambiance that is free of distractions.
You need to decide where you will put together your shrine of love. Will you keep your sexy chamber in your bedroom? Maybe you'd like to devote a spare bedroom to your sexual-spiritual journey? Once you and your lover have agreed on specific location, it is time to determine what sexy items you will need. Here are a few items that most people use: scented candles, incense, meditation music, adjustable dimmer lights, soft sheets, different colored light bulbs, warming and cooling lubricants, massage lotion, and massagers. All of the previously mentioned items will assist you and your lover in creating the right atmosphere to explore one another's mind and body. If you are missing any of items, browse VibeReview's item list (at the end of the article) and purchase any missing items that you might find useful.
You should decorate your love temple with sexy items before your night of passion. Arrange your items in an accessible area, one that won't require you or your lover to move around a lot. You want quick, easy access to all your items. Be sure to remove disruptive phones. Nothing kills a sexual-spiritual buzz like an annoying telemarketer calling - and since telemarketers generally call at exactly the wrong moment, it's necessary to remove the phone or turn the answering machine volume down - or simply turn the phone off. If you have a TV in your sexy room, don't just turn it off - throw a blanket over it so it's hidden.
It's best to agree on a quiet day and time. If you have children or pets, be sure that either or both are taken care of before you begin, because you don't want to be disturbed. Many couples arrange for their children to spend the night with a friend or relative, ensuring that absolute peace and quiet are possible.
Step 2: Entering the Temple of Love and Undressing
You've prepared your love temple for an unforgettable night of intimacy. You are ready to enter the sexual-spiritual realm with your lover. Try to exorcise your mind of all your concerns, apprehensions, and preconceived ideas. Cleanse your mind of all distractions: a rising mortgage payment, the children's daycare expenses, a sick relative...anything that could potentially take your mind off of your partner. Many people find this part of the process difficult. The untrained mind has a tendency to wander into negativity. You have the power to resist negative emotions and unnecessary worry.
If you find this process difficult, repeat this affirmation to yourself: Everything at this moment is as it should be. Everything is fine.. Repeat it as many times as you need to. You will notice how your mind calms down, instigating a chain reaction of bodily responses - your muscles relax, your heart rate slows down, and your sensory perception is acute. Clearing your mind of distractions lets you focus on the love shared between you and your partner. Instead of getting caught up in the daily rigors of life, you have the opportunity to share your entire self with the person you love.
When both partners are ready to enter the room, you should look one another in the eyes - not saying a word, and then gently brush hands together, finally locking hands in the spirit of unity. As you enter the room, holding hands without saying a word, you make a commitment to yourself and partner: You are going to devote all your energy to this fabulous night; you will do whatever it takes to share yourself completely with the person in front of you, even if you feel awkward or silly. Plan to let your emotions come and go without an internal struggle.
Both individuals should begin by lighting candles and incense, and by turning on soft, relaxing music. After doing this, meet one another in the middle of the room. Stand facing one another, with a small space between the two of you. Look into one another's eyes. Just stand there, staring at each other - and really see inside of each other. Look beyond body contours and physical traits. At first both people may feel uncomfortable or silly, but that's natural. Don't restrict yourself to seriousness. If you feel the need to laugh, then you should. Just be yourself!
You've both shown the other person that you are seriously committed to the process. And you've probably shared a nervous laugh, an anticipating smile, and grumbling stomach butterflies. It's time to undress yourself, to expose your naked body to your lover. Remember to keep your bodies close together, because as clothing is removed, both lovers can feel the warmth of sexual-spiritual energy unmasked. Some couples enjoy simultaneously removing clothing - or removing one another's clothing; however, the intensity of the moment is more profound when each individual removes their own clothing.
In this situation, the observer's attention is devoted solely to the person uncovering him or herself. Basically, this method declares: I am focusing all my attention on you in your most vulnerable state, when you are nervously naked and exposed for me to see. Try to keep your eyes connected while removing all articles of clothing, but if you cannot resist looking at one another's beautifully unique body, be sure to look at one another not as a piece of meat; rather, look at one another with appreciatory, loving eyes that communicate your love and devotion on a deeper level than physical attraction.
Step 3: Your Chosen Spot, Positions, and Emotions
Not everyone enjoys using their bed for Tantric sex. Many people, in fact, prefer spreading a soft blanket and sheet over the floor in the center of the room - at the heart of the room, so to speak. After agreeing on a location, gently lead your lover by his or her hand to the chosen spot. Sit down on the blanket or sheet, facing one another, sitting as close to each other as possible. Each partner should place his or her hands on the other partner's knees; do not rub or massage, not yet. Keep your hands stationary on your lover's knees. Neither of you exchange words - you calmly and confidently stare into each other's loving eyes.
Let the warmth of your fingertips and palms travel through your body and into your lover's legs, all while softly whispering, I love you because .... Tell your partner why you love him or her; share your favorite memory with your partner; compliment your lover on the character attributes that you admire. You'll obviously take turns revealing how you truly feel, but there is no specific time frame in which this step should be completed. Take as much time as you need. As partners reveal intimate thoughts in this setting, a new intimacy is reached and shared - one that connects partners on higher sexual-spiritual plane.
You should remember all that you've told your partner. The next step requires you to act out those humbling words of attraction and admiration, which means that verbal communication is less important. Instead of explaining how you feel, you are now going to show your lover how you feel through caressing, touching, and holding one another. Eye contact plays such an integral role that long-winded verbal exchanges are unnecessary during this step. Everything you need to say should be communicated through your gentle touch and loving eyes. Facing one another with intertwined bodies is perfect for this.
Interlock your arms and legs with your lover's arms and legs - almost to the point that your appendages become an extension of a single body. Your bodies, intertwined, fit together like the missing pieces of a puzzle - everything seems perfectly aligned, as it should be. You can feel your emotions swing from one end of the spectrum to the other. When held with such vulnerability and passion, a lot of people experience a variety of emotions - from sadness to happiness, from insecurity to confidence. Allow your partner to express every emotion that surfaces.
That was intense, huh? Spooning and cuddling and direct eye contact can unlock emotional doors that once seemed boarded up, totally inaccessible to anyone. The real self forces itself into the open for the other person, and it's not necessarily the easiest path to travel. Our most insecure thoughts and feelings are expressed for partners to see, which can be extremely uncomfortable. But you made it through, and now you and your partner are ready for the juicy stuff. You've worked hard to get to this point, so it's your moment to delve into more physical contact!
Step 4: Massage and Foreplay
In most cases, men are going nuts by this point in the process. Since men are biologically ready for instant sex, it can be painstakingly difficult to wait for intercourse. Women, on the other hand, need time to relax and open up - much like a flower that opens at sunrise. However, you can bet that women are also highly aroused at this point; but sex is not part of massage and foreplay, so you will need to decline the urge to skip this step. Force yourself to focus on deep breathing. If you feel so incredibly aroused that you want to advance beyond this step, it is helpful to pull yourself away from the activity - just for a moment - and take deep breaths.
After cuddling and spooning, you need someone to massage your body. Perhaps, you bought massage oil for the occasion - or warming lubricants that improve sensual massage. If so, spread a few drops of massage oil on your lover's body. Be sure not to use too much massage oil; you want the oil to rub in as well as possible, leaving no residue or stickiness. You are going to massage every single part of your lover's body, paying special attention to toes, feet, legs, shoulders, hands, fingers, the head, and the stomach. All of these body parts and areas are prone to intense stimulation that aids in relaxation and heightened arousal.
You've already been dabbling in foreplay with all of these activities, but you and your lover have yet to focus on stimulation of specific erogenous zones. There's little doubt that both of you are ready for action after waiting all this time for more aggressive sexual contact. Your raging libido demands satisfaction! Slow, controlled oral sex is coming your way. Pay attention to your lover's mood during oral sex. Look for subtle arousal clues that could potentially go unnoticed: soft moaning, tense-to-relaxed muscle movement, neck and back arching, clenching of hands...any movements or sounds associated with your oral titillation!
The important part is to please your partner slowly and with purpose. Tease your partner to the brink of no return, but don't go overboard. Massager sex toys and vibrators can play an integral role in the crescendo of stimulation; so if you have any available, try to include them in your foreplay. Do your best to prevent your partner from climaxing; you want to push your lover to the limit, and then allow them to settle down - which means starting and stopping are important parts of this phase of sexual cycling. After starting and stopping long enough, your lover may scream: I must have you now, right this second! When your lover finally demands sex, you know that you've effectively teased and pleased him or her, and the time for spiritual sex has finally arrived.
Step 5: Orgasmic Sex and Ultimate Fulfillment
Are you excited? Your heart must be racing to the finish line. Slow yourself down! Your partner may want to jump your sexy body and devour you. Help them resist the temptation to quickly release this pent up energy in an aggressive, out of control manner. The urge to do so is completely natural; but both of you are learning how to channel your energy into each sensation experienced, so slowing the pace down keeps you focused on the moment and aware of each movement that induces pleasure in your partner.
One good technique to slow a partner down is to use the man's penis for external stimulation. The man or woman can massage the clitoris with the penis. Move it in circles, up and down, and a combination of the two. Rhythmic penis massage of the clitoris is sensationally effective. Don't be afraid to slide the penis head inside of the opening of the vagina - just an inch or two inside of the vagina, and then slowly pull it out and begin the clitoral massage again. If a woman is leading the charge, men should pay attention to what the woman is doing. She knows her body, so take notes!
There's no turning back. It's time for you and your partner to make love. Many couples like to watch slow penetration, so position one another in a way that both of you can watch the evolving mystery of making love. Watch your partner's facial expressions. If there's a particular movement that brightens his or her face, don't change what you were doing! You are both learning about the other person's hot spots and what type of stimulation works the best. It's important to remember what works - that way, your next session of Tantric sex will be even better.
Men should control their ejaculations by slowing down or stopping whenever they feel the need to ejaculate. This accomplishes two objectives: First, the man can continue pleasing his lover, avoiding the refractory period - a period of time when a man can no longer ejaculate. Second, controlling one's ejaculation leads to intense orgasms and for some men, multiple orgasms. Are you shocked? Some men claim that they have multiple orgasms, like women, when they routinely practice Tantra!
Women frequently have multiple orgasms when Tantric sex is explored. Some women are extremely orgasmic, so certain women may climax during foreplay - or have multiple orgasms during sex. Every woman is different! Beginners may not orgasm at all. But don't worry about orgasms. Tantric sex is more about connecting with your partner and yourself on a deeper, more emotional level. Your physical response to stimulation will definitely change with experience. Prolonging foreplay and lovemaking through Tantric techniques can dramatically improve the sexual encounter, while also leaving a profound impact on the entire relationship.
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